Reasoning Behind the Quest

Disclaimer: This is my first attempt at a blog. I have no idea how often I will be able to post, but I will be diligent about trying to check in regularly with what's going on. This will be as much about me sorting out what's going on in my life as it is for your reading pleasure, so you'll get a look into my mind (be afraid), and hopefully to how God is taking control and molding it. These are exciting times.

The idea for the journey was born about a year ago while I was doing a serious evaluation of my life. During this time of reflecting I came to the conclusion that I was not attracted to my faith. When I took stock of my life, I decided that I live a "good" life. My morals are sound, I have a job that I love, I have good friends, I have a good family, I live in an incredible place, and have a ton of fun. I treat others pretty well, and feel that I am treated pretty well in return. However, after getting into the world, and seeing that it's not all "bad" made me take stock of my life in comparison. I work at the Vail Fire Department with a pretty great group of guys. Firefighting fosters an attitude and lifestyle of putting others before yourself, of brotherhood, and in a lot of cases, morality. In the end, I concluded that though I live a pretty good life, it didn't differ too much from some of my friends who don't proclaim any type of faith. They are accomplishing the same level of morality (sometimes failing is some areas where I don't, but sometimes succeeding in areas where I fail) and have the same fulfillment in life that I have. My life is not supernaturally different from theirs.  My life doesn't reflect the Christians I see in scripture.  Paul said that his preaching wasn't with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power.  The Christianity I live out has too many words, and way too little of the Spirit's power.

This conclusion lead me to a few questions. First: is there a God, or am I just missing out on a lot of fun believing that? I look at the facts. I am an incredible creature, just like every other person, animal, plant, and atom. The way that everything in the universe interacts with everything else is incredible. The fact that I am able to draw breath, see, hear, touch, smell, move, reason..., and all of the processes outside of myself that have to happen for me to do so leads me to believe without a doubt that there is a higher power that created the universe and everything in it. This leads me to question #2: Is that higher power, or God, the God of the Bible? This was a really dangerous time in life. It was a desperately needed time, but it took the grace of God, and all of my knowledge of scripture that had been built over my life to not fly off the deep end when I was at this stage. But through a time of reasoning out the question I concluded that through historical proof of Jesus being a real person, the world's moral law, the validity of the Bible as a historical document, the paradox of the simplicity and complexities of scripture, scripture standing the test of time, and the uniqueness of the path to salvation that the Bible offers in contrast to every other religion; the God of the Bible is the real God. That lead me to the last questions that have brought me to this point in my life: If there is a God, and he is the loving God of the Bible, why am I living my life short of being sold out to Him (which I do fall well short of), how do I live a life that is truly surrendered to Him, and what does that life look like once it is surrendered?  Do I really know God, do I really get who he is and who I am, or am I just playing Christian.

Scripture says in the second chapter of 1 John that, "3 We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. 4 Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did." So we are to live as Jesus did, obeying scripture. So how did Jesus live, and how does scripture say we are to live? This is getting long pretty fast, so I'll let you read your New Testaments to figure that out. But as an overarching theme, He lived in reliance and in obedience to the Father, and in return the Father's power did incredible things through His life.  Some of the places I found my life in contradiction to Jesus' scripture include consciously deciding to live my own life and then add God into some places of my choosing as opposed to surrendering my whole life to God for Him to do with it what He pleases, it includes not loving God (gasp, I know... but my connection to God up to this point can't really be described as a healthy relationship. There is definitely a disconnect there), loving others as I love myself, and loving money. By no means is this an exhaustive list, but they are big ones. I have issues. These issues keep me from right relationship with God.

"Whoever loves me will obey my commands." If I become a Christian, and my problem is drinking, I'm going to get out of the bars. My issue is holding back from complete surrender to God, and I think that is at the root of the rest of my issues. This trip is a means to an end: surrender. I've got to get out of my proverbial bar. I've given up my career. I'll most likely come back financially broke (prepare for me to sleep on all of your couches ;). I'll be leaving the life of safety and security that I've always know for a world unfamiliar to me where things can, and often do go horribly wrong. I do this as an act of surrender and reliance on God. As a way to see other cultures that seem to experience God in a way that scripture describes. As a way to find the life God has called me to live.

I have found an immense treasure in a field that is worth infinitely more than anything I've ever imagined. The field is for sale, and the owner of the field has no idea the treasure is there. To buy the field will probably cost me every single thing I have on this Earth, but the cost is nothing in comparison to the worth of the treasure that I will receive.   I would be the biggest fool in history pass this up. There's no question of whether or not I'm buying. I'm all in.  Let the journey begin.